I Like Competitions Because...

Competitions don't quite seduce as they once did. The age of fiendish tiebreakers, solving riddles worthy of the finest pub bore and stockpiling empty crisp packets to win a Teasmade or a damp weekend on the Isle of Wight has vanished. Instead, the internet has demanded a need for instant gratification. Hence, competitions are now reduced to little more than scanning QR codes. Luckily, I Like Competitions Because... is a fond, nostalgic love letter to the lost art of obsessively entering competitions, back when winning required much more than Wi-Fi.

Conceived in the whimsical laboratories of Thames Television, I Like Competitions Because... was a one-off ITV curiosity which flitted across our screens, just once, on 21st June 1983 at 10.30pm. I first discovered it, several years ago, when I was digging through some vintage VHS tapes. Sadly, the recording of I Like Competitions Because... that I found had such a shocking picture quality it was beyond unwatchable. But, beneath the blizzard of static, it appeared intriguing. Luckily, a watchable version has recently surfaced on YouTube.

Let's begin by looking at Gordon and Bob: West Yorkshire bus drivers and, quite frankly, the greatest British comedy double act never to have been troubled by success. They're also competition obsessives, albeit with relatively little success. Whether they're sticking their hands down grimy drains in pursuit of a viking longship treasure hunt or traipsing through a graveyard in search of a Toblerone Ford Sierra, no amount of failure seems to stymie the endless flow of wisecracks from our two moustachioed Yorkshiremen.

Clearly, it's a different age for entering competitions, but one where it's a very, very serious business for some. Without the endless, and easily accessible, knowledge of the internet at hand, a small fortune has to be spent on reference books, although Gordon and Bob tend to head down the library for hours, leaving their wives abandoned and fuming. The seriousness of this art hobby is tellingly highlighted by retired scientist, Douglas, who appears gobsmacked at the thought of actually paying for a holiday, rather than winning one with little more than a stamp and an envelope.

Another highlight of I Like Competitions Because... is the story of Asda's Buitoni competition. A corporately arranged marriage between the supermarket and the pasta brand, this relationship is consummated with the promise of sending two lucky winners to Bologna to enrol in an Italian cookery school. Marvelously, we get to see the whole thing from start to finish. Asda demand that their logo is included on the Buitoni spaghetti spoon which all entrants receive, a mountain of tiebreakers are pored over and, finally, the two winners getting to show off their knife skills with a slippery squid.

In fact, the whole programme is packed full of small, perfect amusements, so I'll refrain from removing the charm of discovery for you. Rest assured,  I Like Competitions Because... is a lighthearted, eccentric documentary, one which gently breezes through it's 50-minute runtime with one delight after another. Watch it today.