Sunday, 27 May 2018
15 Terrible Prizes up for Grabs on Fun House
Fun House was an ITV children's game show presented Pat Sharp (prime mullet era) which genuinely promised to deliver on the "whole lot of fun" ethos of its insanely catch theme tune. And there were also some decent - if not "outrageous" as the theme tune advised - prizes on offer such as helicopter trips, computers and holidays. However, in amongst these great prizes were some truly diabolical prizes. I suspect that the majority of these 'prizes' were either discarded after one use or, more likely, left behind in the studio by the children.
To help you understand the mundanity of these prizes, I've put together a list of 15 of the most terrible ones:
1. Handy Hairdryer
This 'handy' hairdryer is the type of thing you find nailed to a wall in a low rent hotel and has the capacity for creating scalp melting bursts of hot air.
2. World's Most Difficult Jigsaw Puzzle
What child actually completes a jigsaw puzzle? Let alone the world's most difficult jigsaw puzzle?
3. Trendy Tennis Set
If this is a 'trendy' tennis set then I dread to think what an 'untrendy' tennis set looks like. And why did they refer to it as a tennis set? It's clearly a table tennis set!
4. Super soft sleeping bag
I don't know, I mean... a sleeping bag, but no tent? Were the producers worried that childhood homelessness was about to skyrocket? And, no, you don't get Melanie or Martina included (I never know which is which).
5. Stamp Collecting Kit
Every child's dream is NOT a new bike, it's a stamp collecting kit that includes stamps from Papua New Guinea.
6. Candle Craft Set
No child should be subjected to a craft set, let alone a candle craft set. Remember kids, fire kills.
7. Atlas and Globe
Explore all the places in the world that Fun House weren't able to send you to in your shiny, new atlas. And then do the same thing on your globe.
8. Game Boy Bag
Congratulations! You've won the hottest new toy in the country! A Game Boy! Oh wait... no, it's just a bag to put your non-existent Game Boy in.
9. Dream Kite
I have never, ever dreamt about a kite. And, if I did, it certainly wouldn't be one that resembles a pair of Bermuda shorts.
What on Earth is a child going to do with a Filofax? Just write '8.30am Go to School' in it every day?
11. Dynamic Daypack
This isn't just a normal daypack (or what sane folk call a backpack) it's a 'dynamic' daypack. So, in true early 90s fashion, this means little more than an overload of garish, neon colours.
No child plays Backgammon.
No child plays draughts.
14. Electronic Chess
Okay, yes, children do play chess, but this electronic chess game appears to be completely unplayable due to the pieces being the same size as grains of rice. It's electronic though, so, yeah... cool?
15. Compass and Video Set
If you need a video to explain how to use a compass (point it, look at it, read it) then you genuinely deserve to be lost forever.
So, how many of these would you have actually wanted? And which of you deviants would still want them?